I am not a big on setting New Years resolutions. I believe our resolutions won’t likely be successful, if it is only the time of year that inspires them. I do however think that if you have some days off during the holidays, it is a great time to review your goals. If you don’t have formal, written goals then it might be a good time to do that. As I was reviewing and adjusting goals this year, I realized something. Over the last three years I have made some significant progress on my goals. I figured out why. When I used to set goals I focused completely on the outcome, and then would try to figure out what tasks would need to be done to achieve them. Of course the real work of achieving goals is pretty tough, so I found myself not wanting to do the hard work to reach the goals. This lead to disappointment. In the last few years I must have subconsciously realized what I am going to share with you today. What I realized is that I have learned to find more fulfillment in the activities that help me achieve my goals. The primary fuel that will help you achieve your goals is discipline. Sometime during 2019 I read a book called “Make Your Bed” by William H. McRaven. It talked about starting your day with a win by making your bed. I started the habit of making sure our bed was made every morning. Then I started paying closer attention to other small habits. During 2020 I started two more new habits. Habit 1 was to read my devotions every morning. Later in the year I added at least ten or fifteen minutes of exercise every morning. The key is that these activities became goals themselves, and were small, and achievable. Don’t get me wrong, it took a while to develop the habits. When I did develop the habits I felt better about myself. As I look at my goals now, I notice that no matter how big the goals I am always focused on the next step. That next step is to just add to the disciplines I already have. If you really want to achieve big goals, and you don’t already have daily disciplines, then those might be the best goals to start with. During 2020 I took a college course, completed a lengthy Life Coaching certificate course, worked fifty to sixty hours a week in my job, and am on my way to transitioning into my retirement career. I was also able transition my job from what I used to see as a soul sucking job into something much better. I started creating disciplines and focusing how my job helped my colleagues, and helped me to be more disciplined. As you prepare to make 2021 better than 2020 set small discipline goals to start. It feels good to win. Make your goals small and focused on discipline. The achievement of those goals will become fuel for your larger goals. Also notice the thing I didn’t talk about. I didn’t talk about how terrible 2020 was. That is a focus for another post, but I do want to say “focus on things you can control”. Hope this helps.
I always chuckle when I hear a CEO or any other successful person proclaim they are self made. While they may have lead the effort, the amount of work they did themselves is a tiny fraction of all the work that was done to get them where they are. In the same way you are going to need other people in your journey. People like life coaches, and those that will love you and support your journey to a better life. When I started my journey I didn’t really have either. I did eventually get a life a coach who helped me to get the ball rolling. That was the real beginning of my forward momentum. If you look in the right margin of the bapcinco.com home page, you will see two of the things that my life coach introduced me to. Mindfulness, and Green Time were both tools that helped me to get to where I am today. If you are in a position where you can’t afford coaching, look for someone around you to share your journey with. Someone who will support you in your efforts and hold you accountable. Make sure they are really a positive person who has your best interests in mind. This process might take bit, but you will be surprised who might step up to help you out. A lot of clients think a life coach is going to somehow make their journey easy or be able to do things for them. A life coach is there more than anything to guide you in coming to the conclusions that will move you forward. In the end of the first post in the Foundations series, I talked about “knowing what you are up to”. There are reasons that you act the way you do, and for the most part we are all a bit clueless about what we really up to and why. A good certified life coach will listen closely to you and help you uncover the unseen motivations, and traumas that impact you. Once you know what is impacting you, your coach can then help you to put together a plan for overcoming your challenges. Do a Google search in your area for ADHD life coaches, and counselors. Try to find someone with reviews and high satisfactions scores. I know she has quite a lot going on, but Casey Dixon was tremendous help in getting me headed in the right direction. As you begin the process of finding someone to help support your efforts, get a piece of paper or a word processor and start thinking about and writing down what you are looking for a life coach to help you with. If you have goals and you haven’t written them down, do that too. There is some power in putting your goals on paper. Once you know you really want to change, and you have someone to help keep you accountable, the progress will begin. I am so convinced of the value of coaching, I am currently working through a life coaching certification myself.
I was recently thinking about times in my life, when I was most happy. When I was a child, my mom used to take us to a small church in a small town, not only on Sunday mornings but many Sunday evenings, and weekday nights. It was during these times in my childhood, that I felt the most loved, appreciated, and accepted. It was one of the few places, I felt this sense of love and acceptance. I started with this, because many of us who have ADHD don’t feel a lot of love and acceptance in our adult lives. Some time ago successful business author Seth Godin was on a popular ADHD podcast. He attributed much of his success with ADHD, to the love and support he received from his family. Everyone yearns for love and acceptance in their life, and that is doubly true for someone who might act in ways that draw criticism from others.
The world will tell you that you can’t depend on the acceptance of others, to feel worthy. To some extent that is true. Once you internalize the fact that you do have intrinsic worth as a human being, and that there are many good things about you, you will thrive. The struggle is that until you have this epiphany, you may need a space where you can succeed. Do you have at least one place in your life, where you feel understood, and accepted? There are many ADHD support groups, and every city in our country has Christian churches where we can find this kind of environment. There are coaches who specialize in working with people with ADHD. If you are someone who feels like your life is a constant onslaught of one struggle after another, take that first step and find some space where you can be valued and accepted. This space will allow you to get through until you realize how valuable you are. I truly believe that all of us are capable of much more than we think, but we have to arrive at that moment, when we truly believe that.